Mom's Story:
June 2, 2023 by Nikki and Anne Heart
What You Can Learn
Although we wrote this post together, we have chosen to present the following story through mom’s experience.
Learn From the Beginning of the Journey
I always saw Nikki as a senstive, caring, hardworking girl who always tried very hard to be the best she could be.
I realized early on, how environmental issues played a role in Nikki emotionally. Basically, I noticed she had difficulty with change and being what I called a perfectionist, the traits of her dad. Always trying to do the right thing in school and at home, I noticed this played a role in Nikki’s stress and anxiety level.
Unfortunately, I didn’t know the true and complete picture of Nikki’s overall health.
As Nikki entered middle school, I sort out help for her stress and anxiety issues. Her dad and I found a counselor whom we believed can help. At her first counseling visit, I explained Nikki becoming frustrated easily leading to stress and melt downs.
Only after two counseling sessions, which consisted of picture drawing and little talking, I was told Nikki would benefit from medication treatment. Nikki was 10 years old at the time and no diagnosis was made. The counselor’s decision was based on Nikki not drawing eyes on her pictures, a textbook theory of closing out the world.
I firmly disagreed with her knowingly that the counselor wasn’t listening to what we explained about Nikki. Henceforth, we ended up leaving after a few more unproductive sessions.
During the next few years, I never was able to obtain accurate information about what Nikki was experiencing.
Occasionally, I would seek out a counselor trying to get informative help for Nikki. Always suggesting that she needed medication without even meeting her. And in fact, on one occasion a counselor suggested I take medication insisting I needed something to help me get through these times. Needless to say, I didn’t return to her or any counselor after that. Because regrettably, this seemed to become the go to advice when I reached out for information.
It was after these negative experiences reaching for help, I as well as Nikki kept the pain she experienced to our selves.
Although, I witnessed Nikki struggles throughout high school, she was an honor student and a scholar athletic.
Wanting her independence, like most teenagers, I helped her submit her college applications to colleges away from home.
When she was excepted and prepared to leave home, I helped her excitely pack up for the beginning of her journey into adulthood.
When I dropped Nikki off for her first year at college, I felt extremely proud as most parents normally do. Of course, the realization of letting your child go sets in quickly, bringing with it a bit of sadness.
The fact being, when I closed the car door and left her school, I cried the entire five-hour drive back home. Till this day, I remember the sorrow that came over me and telling my husband don’t talk, just drive.
I spoke with Nikki when I got home that evening and regularly after that. I knew Nikki was having a hard time with the adjustment, but we kept telling each other it would get better.
See, it wasn’t Nikki leaving home and going away to college. I raised my daughter to be an independent woman, and I knew she longed for her independence.
It was everything else surrounding it. The loneliness, the pain staking workouts she had to be on the track team, and most importantly the drastic change in her diet.
I realized how depressed Nikki was getting, so we discussed different things to help. I visited Nikki at her college as much as we could. And Nikki came home quite frequently.
I knew how depressed Nikki was getting, so we discussed different things to help. I reached out to counselors in the area who worked with college students. Nikki willingly went to counseling whenever she could in between her busy schedule.
It was during spring break when Nikki’s depression took a turn for the worse. At this time, I, along with my husband, took her to a counselor recommended by someone my husband knew by our home.
I remember like it was yesterday being in the counselor’s office with Nikki and my husband. Neither of us knew what to do. We spoke with the counselor in hopes of her helping Nikki feel better.
It was at this visit, the very first visit, we were told that the help Nikki needed was medication.
I sat there thinking that I must have been wrong all these years. That my own prejudice against drugs denied Nikki the treatment she needed to get well.
See as a parent or guardian, all you want is to keep your children safe and healthy.
When they get scraped, you clean out the cut, when they cry, you wipe away the tears, and when they need more help than you can provide, you go to a professional. This is what we do.
When Nicole desperately needed more help than I could provide, I reached out to a professional. And without questioning it this time, I took that advice.
Consequently, I accepted the advice of medication treatment.
My daughter was prescribed her first drug, Lamictal.
I questioned the pharmacist about Lamictal when I first filled the prescription, and I received the standard informational guidelines. I spoke with the counselor regarding some of the side effects, but they were brushed off as nothing to worry about.
As hard it was to do, I drove Nikki back to school, because my daughter didn’t want to lose everything she struggled to accomplish.
Unfortunately, Nikki’s mood became more and more eradicable, and her depression seemed to worsen at times.
To help Nikki get through the final weeks of school, we decided I would stay in the town close to her school.
I witnessed Nikki’s fight for her wellness every day while she was on Lamictal. With no positive effects but visibly negative ones, including a rash, her dosage was increased three times during four months with her symptoms worsening, I was told an additional medication has to be prescribed to help the Nikki get better.
So, Nikki was prescribed her second medication, Lithium.
This was only the beginning of our journey. A journey that took seven years to correct. A journey that will haunt us for years to come.
Looking back, I realize so many things should have been different.
From the beginning, no testing was done regarding Nikki’s health. No thyroid test was taken, no food allergies were discussed and especially no discussion regarding Nikki potentially having something other than a mood disorder.
The prescription drug Lamictal main purpose is to prevent and control seizures. It is also used to treat bipolar disorder. Neither one was Nikki’s diagnosis nor initially discussed as the course of treatment.
Read more about Lamictal
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Note: All information in “Nikki’s Story” are based on detail journals covering seven years of Nikki’s life on prescription drugs.
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